Intimacy Quickies: 3 Holistic Practices for Couples Who Don’t Have Time for Intimacy
Table of Contents
Don’t Have Time for Intimacy
Prioritizing Physical Intimacy is Important
Time Usually Isn’t the Real Issue
Myths About Intimacy
Three Quick & Simple Intimacy Quickies
Intimacy Can Be Quick & Simple
💖
In today’s fast-paced world, couples in long-term relationships often struggle to maintain intimacy given the demands of daily life. The pressures of work and family, among other things, can make it challenging to prioritize physical intimacy and emotional connection, leading to disconnection, resentment, and relationship dissatisfaction.
In this blog post, we’ll explore the common issue of neglecting intimacy due to time constraints and also the importance of prioritizing intimacy in long-term relationships. We’ll explore whether or not time is the actual issue. 😉 And some common myths about intimacy.
Then I share three quick and simple yet effective intimacy practices that take a minute or less: a six-second kiss, a twenty-second hug, and sixty-second eye gazing.
By incorporating these intimacy quickies, couples can reignite their emotional and physical connection to enhance their relationship satisfaction and overall well-being. 🔥
Don’t Have Time for Intimacy
If you’re anything like me, sometimes life feels like a three-ring circus. You’ve got so many balls in the air and you’re doing your best to juggle them all with the time and energy you have. And sometimes you’re not even juggling the balls you really want to juggle.
(Yeah, take that last sentence anyway you’d like. No judgment here. 😉)
Like work. Family. Pets. Spiritual pursuits. Tending to a sensitive nervous system. Coaching. Exercise. Cooking. The list goes on…
And I don’t even have children. So, I can’t imagine what it would be like if I did. I’m sure I’d have A LOT more to juggle. And secretly wish I had eight arms to help me out. 🐙 Or four, like this little guy.
Add things like stress and health issues to the mix? Ugh. Life can feel so overwhelming! 😮💨
So, when couples tell me they “don’t have time for intimacy,” I get it. Physical intimacy and emotional intimacy can take up some time. Especially in long term relationships. Sometimes I “don’t have time for intimacy” either. And I’m an intimacy coach!
We have busy lives. And we struggle to juggle all the balls we’ve thrown in the air for the many different roles we play…
Like spouse. Partner. Cat mom. Entrepreneur. Employee. Healer. Witch. Coach. Life long learner. Household dominatrix. Student. Moon Maven. Teacher.
And we play those roles with varying levels of success. Sometimes dropping balls along the way.
Because we have limited time and energy.
And we can’t really give our attention, time, and energy to more than one ball at any given time. Because we switch roles to tend to different balls.
In long-term relationships, one ball that commonly gets dropped is… You guessed it. Intimacy. Both physical intimacy and emotional intimacy.
Because…who has time for intimacy? ⏳
Just the idea of adding physical intimacy or emotional intimacy into the mix feels overwhelming. It’s no wonder physical intimacy gets shoved in a relationship lost-and-found box. Lid locked. In the back of a closet. Collecting dust. Covered in spider webs. Just waiting for someone to find it. Someday.
But that box? It’s desperately waiting. For You. To. Open it.
And so is your relationship.
Even if you “don’t have time for it",” it’s important to prioritize physical intimacy.
Prioritzing Physical Intimacy is Important
Why?
Because both physical intimacy and emotional intimacy are crucial for maintaining strong, healthy, satisfying relationships and marriages. Your sex life and overall emotional connection benefit immensely when you invest time in these areas.
And couples who engage in physical intimacy have better health.
Yes, physical intimacy is good for your health. Read more about some of the health benefits of physical intimacy in my blog post Sex Improves Your Health & Wellbeing.
I’m not talking just about sex here. You can have sex with someone but not be “intimate” with them. So you can have all the sex you want, and still long for emotional intimacy. For connection.
That’s why one night stands felt unsatisfying for me. Because they lacked any depth of emotional connection.
Emotional intimacy is about having a deep emotional connection with someone. For example, we can develop emotional intimacy through growing our emotional maturity and engaging in deep, meaningful conversations. And we can develop physical intimacy through touch that isn’t sexual.
And many things, like lack of time, get in the way of developing a deep emotional connection with your partner. And yourself.
Time Usually Isn't the Real Issue
So we need to figure out what’s really getting in the way. Is it time? Or something else?
Time could be a legitimate reason because of actual time constraints. Like mismatched work schedules, busy work or school schedules, or taking care of children or elders.
But, most of the time, time isn’t the real issue. There’s something else going on under the surface. From things like fear of rejection, judgment, or criticism. To unresolved trauma or ruptures in the relationship from things like infidelity. Or it could be simply not knowing where to start.
So, instead of prioritizing intimacy, you fall into patterns of distraction or disconnection.
And you feel more and more disconnected. From yourself. From your partner. From your relationship.
Feeling more unsatisfied. Unhappy. Wondering if and when you’ll find your way to back to emotional connection and physical intimacy.
If you’ll find your way back to that relationship intimacy box.
If you only had the time. 😔
But…
You don’t have a not-enough-time-for-intimacy problem.
You have a not-making-intimacy-a-priority problem.
And it’s the reason you’d rather watch Netflix in bed. 📺
It’s the reason you’d rather read for several hours on the weekend. 📚
It’s the reason you’d rather spend more time touching your phones than you do touching each other. 📱
It’s the reason you feel disconnected from yourself and your partner.
And it’s the reason your relationship intimacy lost-and-found box is still in the back of the closet.
Stop using time as an excuse and start prioritizing physical intimacy and emotional connection in your relationship.
So go get that box. And a feather duster. Because it’s time to dust off the cobwebs and unlock it. 🗝️
Physical intimacy and emotional intimacy await.
Connection awaits.
You and your relationship need it.
Your sex life needs it.
What frustrates me the most about not prioritizing physical intimacy and emotional intimacy in our relationships is that we often put significant time and energy into our relationships at the beginning.
We devote time to be with each other. We schedule dates so that we can spend quality time together. We do fun things together. We have sex. We laugh. We cry. We feel curious and ask questions. We learn about each other.
We feel connected. 💞
We decide to spend our lives together. We become a couple. Maybe we live together. 🏡 Maybe we get married. 💍
And then…we enter the realm of long-term relationships.
And…Poof!
We get caught up in the day-to-day. We don’t devote time to our relationships. To physical intimacy. To emotional connection. We take each other for granted. We blame time.
And then, years later, we scratch our heads and wonder what the hell happened to our relationship. And our connection. 🫤
Myths About Intimacy
It can feel like a daunting task to devote time so that you can find your way back to physical intimacy. Or deepening your emotional intimacy. To feeling a connection again. I’ve been there. I get it.
It takes conscious awareness and dedication. Devotion. And I suspect many myths about intimacy don’t help.
Let’s bust some of those myths right now.
Like intimacy equals sex. It doesn’t. Intimacy also includes things like emotional, intellectual, recreational, and spiritual connections. And other physical connection that doesn’t involve intercourse. Like kissing, caressing, and gentle touch. Intimacy isn’t just about your sex life, although sex can be part of it.
Or that intimacy should be spontaneous. Nope. It often requires planning. Just like your dates did when you first started seeing each other.
Or that intimacy happens instantly. It doesn’t. It takes time, trust, and mutual effort. I know…it’s not fair. Connection takes dedication and effort.
Or that you need to be in the mood for intimacy. Especially physical intimacy. You don’t. This myth is a lot like the myth of motivation: that if we’re feeling motivated to do something, then we’ll do it. But it’s actually doing the thing that creates the motivation, so action leads to motivation, not the other way around. Or, in this case, the mood.
Or that intimacy requires a lot of time. It doesn’t. It can if you want it to - by all means, have a delicious 2 hour intimacy date each week or month! But you probably wouldn’t be reading this article if time wasn’t an issue - real or imagined - for you.
Whether your time constraints are actual or an excuse, you can get back into the swing of things with some quick and simple intimacy practices. It can take less time than brushing your teeth. Or reading this blog post.
Now that you’ve dusted off that lost-and-found box and we’ve busted some myths about intimacy, let’s get you moving towards some of that physical connection and emotional connection you so deeply crave with three simple intimacy quickies.
Three Quick & Simple Intimacy Quickies
In a moment, I’ll share some of my favorite intimacy quickies to help you unlock deeper connection in one minute or less per day.
Each of these intimacy quickies releases oxytocin, so they can help you feel more bonded and connected to your partner. They’re also stress-reducing, so they can improve your health too. Seems like a win-in-win to me! 🏆
And, did I mention that they don’t take much time? One minute or less. 🤯
Ready for the big reveal? Here you go!
🗝️ Six-Second Kiss 😘
Turn one of your quick pecks into a mindful six-second kiss. A French kiss. You’re not kissing your grandma.
Use it as a daily ritual before work, when you get home, or before going to sleep. Or all three!
🗝️ Twenty-Second Hug 🤗
Stand across from each other or lay down next to each other. Then embrace each other in a firm heart-to-heart hug for 20 seconds.
Use it as a daily ritual after waking or returning home from work. Or before you eat breakfast, leave for work, go into your home office, or eat dinner.
Use it if you’re feeling stressed - ask your partner for a 20-second hug. If your partner appears stressed, offer your partner a 20-second hug.
🗝️ Sixty-Second Eye Gazing 🤩
Choose any position where you can make eye contact. For example, sit comfortably across from each other or lie down in each other’s arms. Then set a timer and look into each other’s eyes for one minute.
For funnies, you could experiment with making eye contact with your partner’s right eye versus their left eye to see if you notice any difference.
Don’t stare your partner down - it’s not a staring contest. Use a soft gaze.
Use it as a ritual for reconnecting after a long day. Or even before going to bed. Or as a way to begin your day.
Intimacy Can Be Quick & Simple
Small, consistent intimacy practices can make a big difference for couples to feel connected to each other. It doesn’t have to take a lot of time. And it doesn’t have to be complicated.
These practices can be done anytime, anywhere. With little to no preparation.
If time is an actual issue, there’s no need to cram more into your already busy schedule.
If it’s a matter of not knowing where to start, these practices are a great place to begin.
And, if time isn’t the real issue, these practices - or avoiding these practices - may reveal that to you.
By incorporating one or more of these simple intimacy quickies into your relationship on a daily basis, you can begin to find your way back to physical intimacy and emotional connection. Feel more satisfied, connected, fulfilled, and bonded. Less stressed. And pave the way to a more fulfilling sex life.
If you’re so inclined, you could do all three of these intimacy quickies in less than two minutes a day. Two minutes! Don’t have two minutes? Then pick one: 6 second kiss, 10 second hug, or 60 second eye gazing.
In just a minute a day, you can reignite the spark of physical intimacy and deepen emotional connection. Celebrate these small steps, as they can lead to lasting changes that strengthen your relationship over time.
Experiment with where these intimacy quickies fit best in your day (or night) and go from there. Celebrate each small step to create positive emotions and build momentum.
Remember, positive emotions help create lasting change. So celebrate each small step towards deeper physical and emotional intimacy that can lead to a stronger, healthier relationship. And a more satisfying sex life. 🎉
Your intimacy host,
Heidi
P.S. To know more about how I can help you and your partner deepen your emotional or physical intimacy, then let’s connect in a no-strings-attached Secret Rendezvous here: Secret Rendezvous
Learn more about me here: About Me
