Hi! I’m Heidi.

My clients come to me when they no longer feel connected to each other. Their relationships have either become routine or boring, taking a back seat to the competing demands of work, children, or day-to-day life.

They haven’t been prioritizing their relationship.

They want to feel deeply connected - both sexually and emotionally.

They want to feel passion.

They want something different. Something exciting.

They may have tried spicing things up with threesomes or partner-swapping. Or watching porn. Or reading erotica. But, to their dismay, they ended up feeling more disconnected.

They want something better. Deeper. More intimate.

But how?

They’re having trouble communicating about their needs and desires. Sexual preferences and desires. About grievances and annoyances. Emotions. They may even be avoiding certain topics or situations for fear of being triggered or triggering their partner.

They may not know even know that they desire. And, if they do know what they desire, they’ve tried to tell their partner what they want, but their partner doesn’t listen. Or they’re not communicating in a way their partner can understand or receive it.

When we don’t feel seen or heard in our relationships, we withdraw and become more disconnected. Disappointed. Resentful. Angry. Disheartened. Drained. Hopeless.

…….

I’m so glad you’re here!

Because it’s not your fault.

No one teaches us how to have healthy relationships or a thriving sex life. Or how to communicate effectively with each other in a vulnerable way that feels safe. And then we feel embarrassed, upset, frustrated, or defeated when we don’t know how to do it on our own.

I get it. I used to feel that way too.

Our relationships and sexuality are impacted so many things. Family dynamics, conditioning, past experiences, previous relationships, ancestral patterns, our health, the media, popular culture, misinformation, and lack of information or skills. To name a few.

We become disconnected from ourselves. And our partners.

It helps to have someone in your corner. Like the corner person in a boxing match who helps the fighters during their bouts. Someone who teaches you how to go from being fighters on opposite sides of the boxing ring to becoming each other’s corner person. Each other’s spiritual ally. To take off those protective boxing gloves and embrace each other in vulnerability so intimacy can grow.

“When love and skill work together, expect a masterpiece.” - John Ruskin

During our sessions, you’ll learn some mad skills to deepen your connection to yourself and your partner. I’ll guide you and your partner through practices to create a safe space for you to explore intimacy through clarity processes, healing communication, non-sexual connection, deep healing, and eroticism.

All paving the way to deeper levels of emotional and sexual intimacy so that you can level up your relationship.

I help my clients reveal obstacles that get in their way of their desires. To release behaviors rooted in selfishness, extreme individualism, co-dependence, and separation in lieu of behaviors rooted in interdependence.

To exchange blame for self-responsibility. Domination with interdependence. Unless you’re into BDSM…then we’ll integrate that domination… To dismantle barriers that stand in the way of the vulnerability necessary for deep, intimate connection so that you can create your own relationship masterpiece.

Your relationship can be an alchemical container where you and your partner grow and heal. Transform. Feel liberated. Slowly and gently revealing your souls to each other. Like a burlesque performance of your soul. A little reveal here. A little glimpse there. A little peek here. A little wink there. Together, creating the masterpiece that is your relationship. The relationship YOU desire. One that serves both of you in your spiritual growth.

A soul-to-soul connection.

What got me ready to support you?

I’m a certified VITA™️ coach which means rather than focusing on what’s wrong or not working in your life, your sessions will be driven by your desires in sex, love, and relationships. I have tools and practices to support you in transforming your relationship into a true partnership and your sex life from a biological function or basic need into a spiritual practice that fosters deeper connection to yourself and your partner. 

I have a PhD in Sociology and I’ve studied criminology, deviance, social control, social construction, and psychology which means that I know context matters.

When we work together, I’m looking at the whole picture. We cannot separate ourselves from our external environment. The way we show up to our relationship and sex is shaped by our families, friends, schools, neighborhoods, communities, culture, society, and religion. We’re conditioned by all of these institutions. 

What brought me to this work?

After decades of trial and error, I knew there had to be a better way to experience my relationships. As most relationships do, my relationship with my second husband started out great—we were best friends (with benefits…wink wink). Before we dated, we had a lot of fun together. 

We traveled to Hawaii for our honeymoon. I felt excited and hopeful about the idea of being in a healthy relationship. Especially the part about having sex within that healthy relationship. To liven things up, I packed a new red corset, black stockings, a red garter belt, and other sexy items to wear for him.

But, as we walked along a beautiful beach, he said “We shouldn’t have sex just because society tells us we should…because we got married.” 

True!

But I didn’t want to have sex “because society tells us to” or “because we got married.” I wanted to have sex because I love, want, and need sex. I wanted that need to be fulfilled with him. In our marriage. And I couldn’t remember the last time we had sex.

I felt discouraged, frustrated, and disappointed. Undesirable. Unattractive. Rejected. Alone. On my honeymoon.

Our two-week adventure-filled honeymoon in Hawaii didn’t include any adventures in sex. Rather, one night I gave him a blow job followed by a quick fuck for which my vagina wasn’t prepared. As time went on, we grew increasingly sexually distant. My frustration grew. It felt sexually abandoned, like I was all dressed up for a date and had been ghosted. Except that my date shared an apartment, bed, car, and bank account with me. Physically present. Emotionally and sexually unavailable. I thought about having an affair with an ex and didn’t want t do that. I knew I needed emotional intimacy and sexual intimacy in the same relationship, so going elsewhere wasn’t an option for me. So I let him know I felt tempted to cheat and that I wanted to work on our sex life with him.

Our second wedding anniversary gift to each other was sex therapy. We had an amazing relationship otherwise but when our sex therapist gave us homework to make out and have sex, we both avoided it like the plague. I felt disgusted at the idea of kissing him let alone having sex with him.

I sunk into a deep depression. I couldn’t sleep. I cried a lot.

I suspected he was having an affair.

Eight months later, he came home late from work one night and said “I can’t make you happy anymore and I think it’s time we separate.” It was like he said “I don’t want to put any effort into our relationship because relationships should be easy. The spark we had at the beginning should simply remain as a flaming bonfire of sexiness without either of us ever doing anything.” And he was, indeed, having an affair.

I felt devastated. Relieved. Pissed off. Hopeful. Betrayed. Bait-and-Switched. Terrified to lose my best friend. Too old at age 38 to start over…again. Second divorce, y’all! I felt like an epic failure in romantic relationships.

But I knew it was something inside ME that feared intimacy. I attracted many emotionally unavailable partners, before and after my second husband. I knew I had some shit to work though. And I knew I needed a partner who would be willing to put energy, effort and work into a relationship rather than expecting a relationship to run on autopilot.

Because relationships take work.

Hard work.

Well-meaning friends and family told me sex didn’t really matter. Or that we don’t get to have great sex in a great relationship. I felt annoyed and knew those were lies. Told by people who’d been told the same lies: it’s just the way it is; the spark dies; relationships suck; if your’e lucky, you get one or the other, but not both.

Well, fuck that.

Sexual intimacy matters. Emotional intimacy matters. Having both together in the same relationship matters.

I wanted an amazing, loving relationship AND deep emotional and sexual intimacy with my partner.

I knew there HAD to be a better way to experience relationships.

I felt determined to learn how. And I spent over a decade learning how through books, workshops, courses, and training programs.

And I learned we CAN have both.

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” — Rumi

The same goes for intimacy.

If you work with me, your task, should you choose to accept it, is just that: to seek barriers within yourself that you have built against intimacy. And then learn some mad skills for having an intimate relationship.

With intention, dedication, devotion, and vulnerability, sprinkled with patience and grace, you’ll be well on your way.

A good sense of humor helps too.

Curious about how I can serve you in your quest for deeper intimacy?